Friday Frivolity: Black Friday

Though I was selling books in Chesaning today, I submit this Friday Frivolity from several years ago in honor of those who began their Christmas shopping on BLACK FRIDAY
Sue and I begin our Christmas shopping the day after Thanksgiving. Black Friday. I understand that is the name retailers use to inspire wholesale idiocy.
Sure, I know it is theoretically indicative of their desire to finish the year in the “black”. Marketing wise, maybe they should call it Pink Friday…as in the customers will be tickled pink with the savings. In reality, it might be more properly known as Black & Blue Friday. Black for retail hope—Blue for those whose hopes were dashed as they missed out on the last one of the limited supply.
For us, it just seemed fitting to still be in a thankful mood to begin preparations for giving gifts. Besides, many retailers offer great savings—Plus, additional savings are in the offing for very early shoppers on Friday. Commonly, these savings are referred to as Door Busters.
Words like that really get shoppers in the mood…albeit aggressive. It’s incredible what happens to people at 6 a.m. when there’s a really good deal in the offing. Why, I could hardly believe it. Pushing, shoving, jostling for position. It was like a rugby scrum without mud. Some people were actually shoving store displays aside to make a new route to the pile of boxes. (Black and Blue they may be tomorrow.)
Some, with arms full of their prized purchases, were actually struggling to get out of the melee. Others stooped beneath flailing arms to weasel in…via a down-low route …desperately reaching between a myriad of legs …grasping blindly for one of the last boxes on the floor. It was almost shameful.
But, with those tactics, I did manage to get a box before they were all snatched up.
Not to worry. The scuff marks on the knees of my pants will wash out and the blood has already clotted. The wound was inflicted on my skull by the downward thrust of a woman’s hand bag. Ouch!
I’m guessing she sharpened those rivets just for this event.
And a powerful thrust it was as she screamed an obscenity. I swear I didn’t touch her.
But, in the scheme of things, I suppose she thought a guy crawling on his hands and knees in a crowd was a bit suspect and worthy of her actions.
Nonetheless, the scrape on my scalp was relatively minor. It did not warrant any further delay. That pile of boxes was disappearing quickly and it was a high-priority item on our gift list. Not only was I willing to sacrifice my dignity, but also I put my moral integrity at risk by crawling among the legs of these already tense ladies.
I actually needed to stretch and twist my 6-foot 4-inch frame supine…if not serpentine…along the floor. I was almost to the prized-present. Just one …last …push with my toes. A slight roll onto my side, and I’ll …be …ughhh… able to reeeach……
I have no idea why the gal at the innermost ring of screamin’ meemies had an umbrella, but I’m sure the swelling will diminish before Cyber Monday.

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