Recently we put away our Christmas decorations. It was not the first time I noticed a particular tag, but the “Caution…” did remind me of several similarly head-scratching notices. This tag on a string of Christmas lights reminded me that they are For indoor or outdoor use ONLY
Really? Where else might I be tempted to put them…in my stomach?
Usually such warnings are the result of the company being sued. In the case of my string of lights, I can only imagine the plaintiff being a druggie putting them in an orifice to warm up his cold fanny.
I know my lawn mower warns that human toes are comparable to dandelion stalks as far as the whirring blade is concerned. I suppose that notification is for any person who is lack-toes intolerant.
And speaking of intolerance, food products have the most prevalent, questionably relevant, warnings. Made with artificial and natural flavors is a common disclaimer that boggles my palate. Does this mean my tongue might actually taste the devil in his namesake cake? If that’s possible, then is Satan, or Ghouls and Goblins may be involved in transporting water that is Untouched by human hands? Oh, and just in case you were not aware, cans of BumbleBee Albacore alert you: CONTAINS: TUNA. …as opposed to fat fuzzy insects?
Medical warnings so often boggle my mind that I rarely pay much attention to them. That was unfortunate for me recently. Before going to bed I popped a handful of my nighttime medications, plus one new one. I did so without reading the cautions which undoubtedly were on the pharmacy’s prescription documents.
When I began dressing in the morning, I actually put my underwear on backwards—which incidentally comes in a zip-lock storage bag. Why? Trust me, there are no “transferable” odors in the drawer that might contaminate my drawers. Anyway, said zip-lock baggie had no warning label to the possibility of me dressing backwards. Coincident with my brief disorientation, I did experience some longer lasting difficulties with orientation. Come to find out, my sleeping pill may cause drowsiness.
Though I am mocking some of the foolishness behind such warnings, I do know there are some labels that probably have a “reasonable” basis. However, legalities aside, I can only wonder how the “Law”is ever going to know that my wife removes the tags which red-letter admonish—Do not remove…penalty of Law. She rips them off before I can read why it’s the law to leave them on our pillows.
WAIT, here’s one last warning tag line. If you tattle on her, the bird of paradise…