How many of you recall the opening lines of many of the “Goofy” cartoons? I think it went something like this: Here we find our hero preparing for… and subsequently the zaniest dog on two feet leads on a hilarious episode of pratfalls.
Try to imagine such a video with the closed caption, Here we find Ed, preparing for rebuilding a waterfall.
As you watch Ed precariously balancing on rocks trying to traverse to the falls without trampling emerging lily sprouts which surround the pond, you wonder why rebuild the falls. Unlike naturally formed falls, Ed’s creation is ‘fed’ by two pumps not a natural spring. Necessarily, water conservation is critical to the fish in the pond. As a result of winter’s freeze and thaw…plus the unauthorized burrowing of a despicable chipmunk…one side of said waterfall was sagging. This caused some of the cascading water to seep backwards under the rocks, then sideways and off of the rubber liner.
This needed to be fixed. Removing the sides was a necessary task to get a clear view of where the water was escaping the liner. Because Starship Enterprise has not yet delivered my Tricorder (my Neurologist will not release me from this cumbersome back brace until the Governor will let me go to get an x-ray) I must carefully roll away the large, cut-fieldstone side of the Ed-made mountain. Although there were some humorous scenes in this process, I will cut to the climax.
Of course you understand that to find where water is escaping the falls, I needed to keep the pumps running. In hindsight, once I had discovered the escaping trickles by removing several pieces of shale and flat surface rock, THAT would have been the opportune time to shut off the power to the pumps. Alas, Goofy does not think particularly well at opportune moments.
I honestly was not concerned about water washing across my hands as I knelt to replace rocks one by one. All was going quiet well until a bee was about to land on my hand. You know…the hand that was steadying my body as it leaned out over the corner of the pond as the other hand was trying to put a 5 pound (well under my lifting limit) into place approximately centered in the falls (well over the balance limit of said body). Actually it was within the limit of balance until the bee did in fact land.
There is a natural reaction to such an event. It is sometimes referred to as ‘fight or flight’. In this particular instance my “fight” did cause the bee’s “flight”. It also caused my body to tilt into the waterfall as opposed to splashing head first into the pond. My shoulder abruptly planted itself like a new rock in the cascade—consequently diverting significantly more than a trickle into my face. Not to mention down my arm, along my torso and into…well…let your imagination flow to a conclusion.
It is also noteworthy that this performance did not go unnoticed. When I finally regained my balance, the entire school of goldfish was flapping their gills and gasping in amazement. Such is the typical pratfall of GoofyEd.